


(Mis)Communication

by Whreflections



Category: Kane (Band), Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Jealousy, Long Distance Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-25
Updated: 2012-09-25
Packaged: 2017-11-15 00:38:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/521204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whreflections/pseuds/Whreflections
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After moving to Nashville, Chris realizes that long distance is a lot harder to maintain than it actually looks. Particularly when you're not there to see everything that's happening with your own eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(Mis)Communication

**Author's Note:**

> Written for pictures2words over at lj. Writing this was my first time even thinking about this pairing, but I loved it and I love them, <3

To tell the truth, things hadn’t been right for awhile now. Though if he was  _completely_  honest with himself, it was a little more than that. Specifically, things hadn’t been right since he came to Nashville. Even so, maybe it was just his stubborn pride but looking back, he didn’t think he’d made some crazy out of line decision. I mean Christ, they’d been together 3 years; they’d seemed pretty damn stable. Couples with a lot less time under their belts did long distance, why couldn’t they?   
  
It made sense, and it sure as hell didn’t seem like it should be something that would cause any kind of problem. It’s what he’d told himself when he first considered it, what he’d told Jeff when he’d sat down to talk to him about it, and what he kept tellin’ himself even now. But looking at the picture he held in his hands…if anything could make his certainty start to waver a little, somethin’ like this was it.   
  
He’d seen the article online the night before, stared at it and skimmed over it a couple times before printing it out with some kind of sick fascination and staring at it, finally reading the article all the way through, not that it told him much.   
  
The caption on the picture read only “Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Jared Padalecki at the charity auction to benefit the New Leash On Life dog rescue here in Los Angeles”. It sounded fine, if he just read the caption, but what that  _didn’t_  cover was the easy way Jeff’s arm was thrown around Jared’s neck, or the way they both were smiling.   
  
There was something about it that just wasn’t right, something that gnawed at the insides of his chest, raw and hard to contain. It  _couldn’t_  be what it looked like, because they didn’t do that shit to each other. Jeff had never fucked around on him, and he’d never really fucked around on Jeff. Granted, there’d been that one time when he was drunk, and the other time the night they’d had a truly horrendous fight, but both of those had been a couple years ago and both times he’d been nearly tripping over himself to come clean and apologize. Jared wasn’t a one night stand and Jeff wasn’t apologizing, and that had to mean it just wasn’t possible. It had to, but he hadn’t quite been able to get that all the way through to himself yet.   
  
He let the printout flutter from his hand, his head tilting back with one arm slung over his eyes as he dialed the first number on his speed dial. He’d been staring at the damn thing long enough to either go cross-eyed or lose his mind, and maybe he’d already done both.   
  
When Jeff answered, he’d rarely felt more relieved.   
  
“Hello?”   
  
“Hey, Jeff.”   
  
“Chris! Hey, babe, thought you’d be in the studio till at least 9 tonight?”   
  
He should’ve been, but it was a little hard to work when you kept imaging your freakishly tall Greek god of a friend taking your partner home. That interfered with everything. “Eh, wasn’t goin’ so well today. I’m sure things’ll look better tomorrow.”   
  
“Something wrong?”   
  
Of course he knew him too well. Of course. Chris swallowed, shook his head even though Jeff couldn’t see him. “No. Everything’s fine.”   
  
“I miss you.”   
  
“Yeah, miss you too.”   
  
Jeff’s voice dipped, low and just a little rough and so fucking enticing. “You wearing that shirt I gave you?”   
  
Actually, he was. It was a long sleeved blue plaid button up that didn’t feel quite as stiff as the usual dress shirt so he could stand wearing it places where he needed to somewhat look nice, and Jeff liked it cause he said it brought out his eyes. Normally he’d have been half hard already just hearing the change in Jeff’s voice, but tonight he was still seeing Jared, and he just couldn’t.   
  
He rubbed the heel of his hand into both eyes in turn until it hurt just enough for him to see a few stars, distracting. “Look I’m…I’m really kinda tired tonight.”   
  
“Oh. I mean…yeah, course, that’s fine.” Goddamnit. Sometimes, he wanted to see his face so bad when they were having these conversations that it nearly drove him crazy. “You should get some good sleep before tomorrow.” He hesitated, and Chris could  _almost_  see the way he would’ve been trying to find something to do with his hands. “Chris, you sure you’re ok?”   
  
“M’ fine.”   
  
“Ok. I love you.”   
  
Hearing it hurt way more than it should. “Yeah. You too. Night, Jeff. ” When he hung up the phone, he reached over to drop it on the table, scooping up the bottle of Jack off the nightstand on his hand’s way back over to the bed.   
  
‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’   
  
 _1 month later_  
  
The phone vibrated hard against the end table and Chris lunged for it, grunting when the movement made him feel slightly seasick. When he pried his eyes open he could see that it was 3:00, and by the sun streaming through the windows he knew that meant he’d definitely stayed up way later drinking than he’d meant to. He was pretty sure he didn’t’ remember those last couple of hours he’d spent drinking either, and once he was a little more awake he’d probably be more grateful that he’d just stayed here at the apartment to do it.   
  
He stretched, snatched the phone when it had to be getting close to the end of ringing and slid it open, holding it up to his ear. “Yeah, hello?”   
  
“You just now wakin’ up?”   
  
Jeff. Chris swallowed around the cottony taste in his mouth, rolled over on his back and closed his eyes. “Yeah.”   
  
“I didn’t think you were playin’ a show last night?”   
  
He licked his lips, realized he could still taste the Jack on them. “Wasn’t.” He rubbed at his pounding head, tried to change the subject before it got to firmly seated on what exactly he  _had_  been doing last night. “What’re you up to?”   
  
“That’s what I was callin’ about, actually. I know you said you weren’t gonna be able to make it back here the next couple weeks, and I don’t have anything goin’ on and the boys are takin’ a break in filming, so I think I’m gonna go up and stay with Jared and Jen for a bit.”   
  
That woke him up. Chris sat up, ignored the way his stomach lurched in protest of the too fast movement. “You’re goin’ to stay with Jared?”   
  
“And Jen, yeah. Just wanted to let you know where I was gonna be.” Chris wasn’t sure exactly how his voice had sounded, but Jeff seemed a little surprised with whatever it had been. “Unless you can come home sometime soon, I mean, I’m not gonna go up there if we’ve got some time but-“  
  
“No. No, it’s fine.”   
  
Jeff was quiet, and he heard rustling as he shifted the phone closer. “Chris, are you sure that-“  
  
“Hey, I gotta go, ok? Have a safe trip up to Vancouver.”   
  
He slid the phone shut, and within 5 minutes he felt like an ass. Before about 3 months ago, he’d have said he’d  _never_ hung up on Jeff like that, never gotten off the phone at all without properly telling him goodbye. Yeah, something  _definitely_ wasn’t right.   
  
‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’   
  
He didn’t call Steve until he was a little more sober and somewhat clearheaded, after he’d showered and he was sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee with only a tiny bit of Jack in it. On the fourth ring, Steve picked up.   
  
“Hello?”   
  
“Steve, I think… _shit_.” He’d been gonna come right out with it, but now that he was sitting here talking exactly what the ‘it’ he wanted to say was had gotten a bit jumbled.   
  
“I know, I’ve been tellin’ you that for years, everyone knows I’m the smart one.” When Chris didn’t laugh, Steve dialed it down. “Seriously, man, what’s goin’ on? You ok?”   
  
“I dunno.” He took a sip of his coffee, winced a little at the way it burned down his throat. “Do you think…do you think Jeff’s cheating on me?”   
  
Silence, and then the sound of a chair scraping against hardwood as Steve sat down. “Christian, you’re gonna have to back up and get me to where your mind’s at, because this is comin’ outta fuckin’ nowhere man, and I have  _no idea_  what you’re talkin’ about.”   
  
He leaned forward on the table, pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head, wishing like hell his headache would go away. “I mean, we haven’t been able to see each other much at all these past few months and he’s there in L.A. and he’s been hanging out with Jay so much and he looks happy with him, you know, he-“  
  
“Stop, just  _stop_!” Steve sighed, clearly frustrated, and Chris could imagine the way he’d be leaning forward in his chair, trying to be earnest and clear and make sure Chris was listening to every word. “Yeah, Jeff is lonely and he hasn’t had work for a little while so I’m pretty sure he’s bored, and Jay’s a good friend and they’ve got a lot in common, but Chris, you should know even better than I do that Jeff’s totally in love with you, man. They’re hanging out more cause he’s out here by himself, but he’s not fucking him, no way. He wouldn’t do that, and besides that’s not even considering the fact that not only is Jared  _your_  friend too, but we both know he’s been tryin’ to get in Jensen’s pants for the better part of the past 2 years. He’s not ready to give up on that any time soon, Chris.”   
  
“I mean, we thought so but-“  
  
“Look, I got two questions for you, and I want answers to both of ‘em, you got it?” Chris frowned, sat back and took a long drink. He was pretty sure he knew what one of the questions was gonna be. “First off,  _please_  for the love of God tell me you’ve talked to Jeff about this.” If he didn’t say anything, Steve’d be smart enough to figure out the answer to that one all on his own. “Ok, that’s what I thought. Second, how wasted were you when you had this epiphany of yours?”   
  
“You know, I didn’t call you for a lecture, Steve, I called you because I feel like something’s goin’ on here and I thought maybe my best friend would give a shit if I was havin’ a problem but I guess-“  
  
“Oh don’t  _even_  go there, Christian. Don’t.” There was warning in his voice then, the edge that would’ve told him they were gonna be yelling and maybe even throwing a couple punches if Steve had actually been here in his kitchen. “I’m definitely concerned you’ve got a few problems, but I don’t think a one of them has anything to do with Jeff and Jared. What I  _do_ think is you seriously need to call your damn boyfriend, and I think you need to have a very long discussion about spending more than 2 days together at a time, and then I think you need to realize you’ve slipped from ‘heavy drinker’ into ‘alcoholic’ about five months back, and if you don’t do something about that it’s gonna cause you more problems than it already seems like it is.”   
  
“You done?”   
  
“I swear to God if I could see you right now, I’d kick your ass.” Steve huffed out a frustrated breath, and Chris waited for him to answer the question. “ _Done_  would imply I’m giving up on getting through your thick head, but I’m not. But with this particular conversation, yeah, I’m finished. Think about it,  _please_. Go sober up and call Jeff and tell him everything, and he’ll tell you how wrong you are. Better yet, get your ass out to Vancouver and talk to him yourself.”   
  
Chris sat up a little straighter at that, thinking. “You knew he was in Vancouver?”   
  
“Yeah, Jen told me. Came up last night, gonna be staying and visiting for awhile. As a  _friend_  if that needs clarifying.”   
  
Chris took another drink, sat the cup down and rubbed at the back of his neck as he thought. He  _hadn’t_  seen Jeff in a few weeks, and dropping in when they weren’t expecting him like that…yeah, that’d be the perfect chance to check up on Jeff.  
  
“Might do that.”   
  
“Good. Tell me how it goes.”   
  
“Yeah, ok. I’ll talk to you later.”   
  
“Think about the other stuff too, Chris. Ok?”   
  
He absentmindedly hummed a response, got off the phone and started thinking ahead. If he was going to Vancouver, he needed to hurry up and pack.   
  
‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’   
  
He hadn’t been able to get a flight until the next day, and the cab dropped him off at 11 PM Vancouver time at Jared’s front door. He knocked, leaned up against the doorframe with his duffel slung over his shoulder and waited for someone to answer. He’d had a couple drinks on the plane, and even in the cold air he felt alright with the warmth buzzing just under his skin.   
  
Jensen came to the door, and though he was obviously shocked his eyes lit up the minute he realized who it was standing there. “Chris! Holy shit, man, c’mon in!” Jensen practically dragged him in the door, and despite the worries that had been festering in his mind the whole way over he smiled when Jensen pulled him into a bear hug. “Feels like I hadn’t seen you in forever!”   
  
He laughed, only a little strained. “Yeah, does, doesn’t it?” He stepped back, shifted the strap from where it cut into his shoulder and looked around, tried and probably failed to not look too curious. “Jeff here?”   
  
“Last I checked he was downstairs playin’ pool with Jay, but that was an hour or so ago. I was on the phone with MacKenzie for awhile, then tryin’ to get the kitchen in some kind of order.” He clapped a hand onto Chris’ shoulder, led him toward the stairs. “C’mon, let’s go surprise ‘em. Jeff’s gonna be so happy you’re here, I swear all he’s been talkin’ about is how good the album’s goin’ but how he can’t wait to see you.”   
  
Chris wasn’t really paying attention. For the most part, his mind was still hung up on the ‘downstairs playing pool with Jared alone for the past hour’ part. When they came downstairs Jared was taking his shot, Jeff standing next to him and watching, leaning on his pool cue. The look that came over him when he saw Chris was pretty much priceless, though he didn’t appreciate it quite like he should have.   
  
“ _Chris_!” Jeff laughed, eyes sparkling as he came around to wrap Chris in a hug, head tucked into his shoulder to breathe him in as he held him close. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming? I’d’ve come to pick you up at the airport.”   
  
He returned the hug with a lot less enthusiasm, kissing him quick before he pulled away. “ ‘S ok, I got a cab.” He looked over the table, felt his eyes narrow just a little. “Jay.”   
  
“Hey, Chris! Good to see you, man.” As soon as he could really extract himself from Jeff he told them to go ahead with their game, settled himself in at the bar to watch. If there was something goin’ on, maybe if he watched long enough he could pick up some sign of it here, with his own eyes.   
  
‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’   
  
He waited until they were alone to say anything, until Jensen and Jared had gone to their respective rooms upstairs and he and Jeff were pulling down the sheets in the guest bedroom, almost all the way ready for bed.   
  
“So…you and Jared’ve been hanging out a lot.”   
  
Jeff shrugged, bent down to fish around in his bag for a fresh pair of boxers and a t-shirt. “Yeah, I guess. Before they started filming, he was livin’ down in L.A. and neither of us had much goin’ on.”   
  
“Hm.” He wanted to drop it there, really he did but… “It just…you two seem awful close.” Ok, so he hadn’t meant it to sound  _that_  accusatory, but the words and they way they’d come out…yeah.   
  
Jeff froze at first, but when he turned to look at him his eyes were blazing. “What’re you sayin’, Chris? Just come out with it, huh?”   
  
“I just-“  
  
“C’mon on, now don’t beat around the bush, somethin’ you wanna ask me?” He stood up, walking slow and deliberate around the edge of the bed to bring them closer together, his voice rising as he continued. “I mean, forget the fact that _you’re_  the one with the history of sleeping with people whose names you can’t even remember, but you go off to Tennessee and leave me here and just cause me and Jared are a little closer than we were when you left, that’s gotta mean I’m fucking him, right? God, Chris, you know, I can’t  _believe_  you, I-“  
  
“Well, are you? You know I can’t help but notice that  _nowhere_  in there did you answer the goddamn question!” Honestly, Jeff had done more than that, and he’d made a handful of good points but if Chris was good at anything, it was fighting. In any form. Gettin’ yelled at by anybody was enough to get his hackles up, particularly with the mood he’d already been in, and he wasn’t about to back down.   
  
“Am I? Really?” Jeff laughed, harsh and angry and almost enough to mask the hurt. “Alright, you want an answer? No, Christian, I’m not fucking Jared, and I haven’t screwed around on you in the three fucking years we’ve been together, in fact if you want to get technical I haven’t slept with anyone but you since the first time we fooled around at Chad’s party that time, so is there any other friend of ours you’re worried about, cause I can go ahead and answer you on all those, too.”   
  
“Oh you’re hilarious. You know, if you’d actually  _think_  about how it’s looked then maybe what I’m askin’ wouldn’t sound so crazy. And by the way, if you’d ever come out to  _visit_  me maybe I wouldn’t think-“  
  
“Maybe if you actually told me what the fuck was goin’ on in your head when it actually  _happened_  I’d’ve been able to tell you that nothing was goin’ on! Or, maybe I’d’ve been able to tell that you’d actually give a crap about me visiting because every time I talk to you lately it seems like I’m buggin’ the hell out of you and it’d be better if I just didn’t call at all!”   
  
That stung, probably a hell of a lot more than it should, but all the same it was enough to make Chris walk out, slamming the door behind him.   
  
‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’   
  
Sleeping in the cab of Jensen’s truck seriously sucked. It was something he’d conveniently forgotten after having not had to do it for awhile, but when he slipped out and onto the ground to stretch he found kinks in places he didn’t know he had, and it reminded him with a sick, sharp stab of guilt that if he hadn’t been such an idiot, he could’ve slept in a nice warm bed with Jeff’s arms wrapped around him.   
  
The sky was just turning blue at the edges, and when he looked at his watch he saw it was only 5 AM. It was too early, really, but he knew he wasn’t gonna get any more sleep even if he tried, and if he went ahead and went in he could be waiting when Jeff woke up…maybe have the time to think of exactly what he was gonna say.   
  
Of course, that would’ve had to have meant he had any kind of luck whatsoever, but apparently the cards were still stacked against him. When he came in the sliding glass doors down in the basement Jeff was up, sitting on the loveseat and studying the floor, the TV on but muted and ignored. He looked up when Chris slipped inside, and the look in his eyes was enough to crush whatever residual worry he might’ve had left.   
  
He’d been wrong, ridiculously, stupidly wrong and the ‘how could you?’ look Jeff was giving him felt like it should’ve been enough to burn through his skin. He stopped just inside the door with the space of most of the room still between them and he ran a hand over his face, muttering as he looked down at the floor.   
  
“This, uh…this isn’t working.”   
  
Pretty much immediately he realized he’d said the wrong thing  _again_ , and he looked up and took in the look Jeff was giving him, like a punch to the gut. “No, no,  _fuck_ , that’s not what I…” He paced, ran his fingers through his hair and finally decided on crossing the room over to Jeff, dropping down to crouch in front of him and taking his hands. Somehow, even with as little as they’d been touching lately it felt natural, and that gave him hope. “ _This_ , that isn’t what I was talkin’ about. What I meant was just everything else…”   
  
He’d never been good at apologies. He bit his lip until he tasted blood, felt Jeff squeeze his fingers and finally just rushed it out, his lips brushing over Jeff’s knuckles. “ ‘M sorry. I believe you, you’re not…” He couldn’t even say it. Even knowing it was true, thinking it still hurt. He’d  _believed_  it, and it had felt like shit. “I’m just sorry.”   
  
“It’s ok. Look, I wasn’t exactly reasonable, either. If I made you think-“  
  
“Shit, you didn’t, Jeff, I just…” He moved up to sit on the couch beside him, glad that Jeff kept a hold of his hands. “See, that’s what I mean when I say  _this_  isn’t workin’. The whole long distance thing, apparently I can’t do it. You can, and that’s great, and I feel like a 5 year old for admitting this so it’s not the easiest thing but I just…” Clearly, he hadn’t been able to do it. Not without going off the deep end, at least.   
  
“You sayin’ you think we should break up, is that it? Cause I gotta tell you, even fightin’ like this, I’d rather try it a little longer than just give up.”   
  
“No. No what I’m sayin’ is that I gotta realize sometimes there’s times you can’t have everything.” Chris licked his lips, his eyes flickering down to the where their hands were still joined. He wanted to say this just right. “If I can either have a life and a career out in Nashville or have this, I know what I’ve gotta do. Cause Nashville, it’s great, but if it means risking this…I can’t do that anymore. I won’t.”   
  
Jeff pulled a hand away, rubbed it rough over the stubble on his chin as he shook his head. “Chris, that’s your dream. That’s…that’s what you’ve wanted for too long, and I don’t want to be the reason you don’t get that. I can’t do that to you, because even if you don’t regret it now in a couple years you might, and I don’t want to be the cause of that.”   
  
He’d been afraid he might say something like that. “You’re not. It’s my decision. And I realized I wanna be where you are, and I wanna make this work, and that’s more important to me than anything else. Trust me, it is.”   
  
Jeff ran a hand through his hair, finally looked over at Christian and smiled. “C’mon, let’s go upstairs and talk about all this. I know it’s a little early for it but after last night and everything else, I could kinda use a drink.”   
  
Chris hesitated, sighing. “Actually…think that’s something we need to talk about too. I might have…well, Steve thinks I might have a little bit of a problem.” To put it mildly.   
  
Looking down he didn’t see Jeff moving closer until his hand curved around his cheek, tipping his head up for a soft, chaste kiss.   
  
“Alright. Then let’s talk about that first.” When he pulled back his eyes were gentle and unaccusing, and Chris knew that Jeff had to have been thinking the same thing for quite awhile, and yet he’d never said a word. He’d waited until Chris was ready to admit it to himself. That more than anything else told him that, yeah, if he could get his ass in gear, this just might be the most important thing in his life, and it looked like it might could even stay that way for the  _rest_  of his life. Not a bad thought at all. 


End file.
